if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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