i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
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