This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
I just forgot I was standing up.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize
