I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize