I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Randomize
