there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
