you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
PANTIES FOUND
Randomize
