I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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