Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
