I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
Why is your signature on my underwear?
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
Randomize
