Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
Randomize
