Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
