the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Randomize
