Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Randomize
