I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize
