i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
