he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Randomize
