Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Randomize
