so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
