Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
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