Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
