I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
