So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
