i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
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