Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
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