I want you more than these girls want KFC
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
