Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
The adults are the big ones right?
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Randomize
