I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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