I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
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