I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Randomize
