Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
