I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Randomize
