i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
