ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
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Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Randomize
