Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Oh god it's open bar.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
