I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
Randomize
