Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
Randomize
