i need an iv and a liver transplant
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
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