the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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