are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
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