Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Randomize