Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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