This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
