The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
