I wish I only lived at night.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
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