the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
Randomize