Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
