I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
