I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
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