Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize