I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
