: south campus drug res life name erik. Love, tran
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Randomize
