I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
Randomize
