when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
