I showed him my bush... on skype.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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