Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Randomize
