I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
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