just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
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