Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
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