bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
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