I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
Randomize
