I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
