EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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