I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
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