Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize