I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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