Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
My ass is underappreciated
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Randomize
