I puked a lego.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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