guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
