What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize
