Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Randomize
