I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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