in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
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