Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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