M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Randomize
