You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize