Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Randomize
