Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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