MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Randomize
