Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
