I will die if light touches me.
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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