i already hear my dad disowning me
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Randomize
