ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
