you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
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