yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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