Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
